Crack in the marriage who is to be blamed.

Bold thoughts – I have started to pen my thoughts. These thoughts are based on real life experience and thoughts that have been shared with me by many people and some my own.  I do not wish to hurt anybody with these thoughts and I am not going to argue with anyone about it. Others may think differently. I respect each persons view and no one is right or wrong, its only how we think differently.

So here we go…….

I have been thinking of sharing this for a long time. Guess Hrithik and Susanne ‘s split was something that forced me to pen my thoughts.

Firstly when I look at people who joke about the whole thing, I feel it’s really not nice. There are so many people, specially little children who have done nothing wrong who go through so much trauma.  Weather we are celebrity or normal human being the pain is the same for all.

What I have seen and heard why a marriage fails most of the time, is not because the Woman and Man do not get along, its because the family does not get along. Its nice to say that when we get married we do not get married to  a woman or a man, we get married to a family, in all good spirit I totally appreciate and understand it.

What typically happens in our society is the woman and man are very happy with each other and the family too (since they choose the bride or groom), even If not they accept the bride or groom, since their child is happy with that partner. But this love and affection last only for a few months or years. After sometime the negative side of the person is seen more than the positives. We all  have our  good and bad, but the bad is magnified, even if the spouse learns to adjust and compromise the family has a problem. He or she is constantly told how bad her or his partner is, this is what slowly and gradually leads to problems.

What is our duty as parent’s?. According to me , my son/daughter is born to me and he or she is a soul, an individual, I as a mother have to give her/ him good food, teach him good values, give him good education and make him a good human. Now because I have done all this to her/him, he does not owe me anything. After that he decides how he wants to live his life. I should have zero expectation from him. But in our society, it goes the other way. When parents give so much to the children, the children have to be grateful and indebted to the parents all their life and listen to whatever they say and here is where the problem starts.

I have seen so many marriages break, not because there was a problem between the husband and wife, but because all instruction about to how to handle or behave with your husband or wife came either from your mother, father, sister, brother, co-brother, co-sister, brother-in-law or sister-in-law There is total pressure from immediate family on how “you have changed after marriage” if A person is happy changing and being happy with her husband or wife, what bloody is your problem? Are you jealous that they are happy? I totally fail to understand this behaviour. Guess parents , sister or brothers, who find it difficult to part with their near one’s should not get them married and people who get them married should let them live the way they want to live. All of them who get married are grown up adults and know what to do with their life, they do not need your two bits.

I have heard comments  from family members like “ I do not like the way your hubby/wife behaves” to hell with you if you do not I say. I love my hubby or wife the way she/he is. But that does not happen, the wife or hubby, now starts thinking how can I make him/her more likeable by my family and so the whole drama of telling each other how to behave and what to say and what not to say starts? They both start to loose their individuality and start behaving like the people that they are not and how long can you pretend and behave something you are not. Slowly and steady the marriage starts seeing cracks, MIND YOU, not because of the two, but because of family pressure and that is such a sad sad thing. Than ego, advise, bad vibes, negativity it’s a mess and the two people who loved each other dearly and had not problems with each other start hating each other.

My two bit and this is how I look at things : Give your children, brother or sister unconditional love. But when they are ready to face the world with a new family leave them to their own. DO NOT be the REASON for breaking a lovely Nest of love. Forget God, you will NEVER be able to forgive yourself.

cartoon on marriage

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